They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
