Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
