Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
