just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
