I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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