Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
