some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
