Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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