He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
