Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
