my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I need water and some morals
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
