I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
