His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
