this beer tastes like vomit already
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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