It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
