remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
