he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
