A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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