friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
