I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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