Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
