Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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