the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
