In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
