Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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