good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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