My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
