my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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