Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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