His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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