I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
