Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
