the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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