remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
