I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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