I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
