he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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