My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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