So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
