Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
