true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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