oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
