I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
