so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
