You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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