You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
