I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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