shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
