I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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