We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
