so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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