why didn't you poke me back
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
