i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
