im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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