So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
