Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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