Why does Corona taste like a burp?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had to cum in my sink.
Dear god my vagina.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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