I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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