i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
