Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
