Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're a waste of cheezeits
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
