he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
