How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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