i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
