How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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