this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
