even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
