You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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