is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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