the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
