I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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